Category: REFLECTIONS Page 3 of 14

 

Let me start from the very beginning. No I am not quoting the Genesis. It’s my own spiritual journey. As a kid I always equated spirituality with religion. You barely learn how to seek. Yet you are forced to shape your beliefs based someone’s choice. Religion is almost pushed into your life until you accept it. You submit yourself to the world of illusions.

And then comes the teens. I realized something. Religion in no way defines spirituality in absolute terms. There’s a struggle to break free. But something held me back the fear of being an outcast. What if I am shunned by my loved ones? Is it even worth the risk? I choose not to seek yet again.

The period of loss -How do you deal with a loss of a loved one ? I distanced myself from the world around me. Spirituality made no sense to me. It was a natural reaction. Why did this happen and how am I supposed to cope with it?  A mind plagued with too many questions and there were no precise answers.

Writing happened and the maze which had been troubling me all along suddenly seemed crystal clear. Spirituality is seeking your own self.   The answers always lie within. I always thought that I failed by not comprehending my own spiritual self.  But that was not the case.  Every step in the journey of life is a attempt at re-defining spirituality until you reach a stage of self realization and contentment. All of us reach the stage at different points in our lives. And  for some of us it’s a never ending quest. That’s what makes the journey unique. 

This write up is for the contest hosted by CBC for Mr. Shashidar Sharma’s book launch @ Odyssey, Adyar on 24th of July at 6.30 PM.

And you can know more about the book @ http://themonkkey.com/

Links to buy the book : Songs of the Mist and here

 

 

I never imagined a restart. Not in my wildest dreams. I had already given up. But then as always the Almighty had other plans. It is just magical how God writes your most beautiful scripts from the weirdest of situations. Sometimes it’s good to let the higher power take control.

Of course she’s flawed but who isn’t. That’s what makes us human beings. Even I am not perfect. She’s imperfectly perfect. I do know we are poles apart. I am the average guy while she excels at everything she does. I do know I hardly stand a chance. Who cares.. 

She’s given me something to look forward to day in and day out. Most people find her a bit too haughty. Oh yes she’s a show off alright. But I find her flaws fascinating. I usually go in for people who are deep, rooted and have their senses in place but this time it’s different.

Sometimes it’s good to let your heart overrule your brain. It can serve as an inspiration. Who knows it might even serve as a sign of things to come.Not everything can be decided rationally. I don’t care even if it leads to a dead end. I am just gonna give it a shot.

THE JOURNEY RESTARTS!

 

 

There was a time in my life when every small achievement was a celebration. But ever since Dad left us there has been a void. June 23rd became just another day. Life froze after his farewell. But how long do I mourn the loss?

This year was surprisingly different. I had a definite reason to cherish the big day. The dream of seeing my name in print had finally come true. I was all set for a celebration with my friends from CBC but fate decided to yet again. My phone went dead. Having been a Nokia fanatic from the time I had my first phone the loss did drain me out.

After a brief pause I switch to a spare which I had discarded long bank and the first message that adorned my inbox was “I wanted to call you today but got held up with work“. I dismiss it as yet another excuse but I am someone who thrives on the NO DEMANDS NO EXPECTATIONS principle so the message didn’t bother me much.

The very same evening the phone rings and I hear the distinct voice for the very first time.” Hi Salesh it’s me “. I pinch myself in disbelief.  Is it a real event or am I dreaming ? Despite having known each other for a long time this was the first time we had actually conversed on the phone. In a world filled with fake promises and masks here was someone who had taken out from a very busy schedule to make me feel special.

Perhaps my mobile drained itself out for a reason. The small gesture was my best birthday gift for it gave me a few lessons to cherish. At times you need friends who can give a sense of peace despite the hurdles surrounding your day to day life.  The luxuries which surround our day to day life will one day mean nothing. When your time is up all that matters is the number of lives you have touched. You don’t need to do something big to make a difference even small everyday gestures will make a definite impact.                                                                                        

 

My very first glimpse of her was during high school. I have never come across someone like her before. The hormones started working overtime. What should I do? Maybe I should welcome her into my life with a greeting card. Don’t stare at me. That was the norm those days. A rose and a simple greeting card would do. It was the start of a very beautiful relationship.

Years fly by. The school whiz kid turns into a nerd. She felt lost. The indifference was very much visible yet she chose to stay. I still ponder over her choice. What made her stay? Did she have a sneak peek into my future or was it just an obligation?

Slowly but surely she became an inseparable part of me holding my hand throughout the entire journey. People mocked at us for we were an unlikely pair. They told me that I was hallucinating and living in a world of illusion. ” Be practical. She isn’t here to stay. She will let go of you once her purpose is accomplished”.

I see her calm re-assuring smile and the whispers disappear. The hold becomes stronger and stronger as we find salvation in each other’s arms. “Don’t ever let go of me” I plead. “Never“. She re-assures yet again.

It’s been almost 20 years. Perhaps it’s time to celebrate the unique bond that we share. It’s ME and LOVE every single day.  Avalum naanum amudhum tamizhum.

 

1. Life will always be hard when you try to break the norm but when you do it might just pave the way the way for someone who has aspirations and dreams.
2. The label still remains both within and outside of work but I have learnt to ignore.
3. Silence can be a powerful weapon if you can figure out when to remain silent and whom to ignore.
4. Theworld is unfair but there’s still a tiny thread of goodness which makes this world a better place.
5. The people who believe in your dreams will stand by you no matter what happens.
6. When you spread goodness it comes back to you in one way or the other.
7. The greatest compliment you can give yourself is self love unless you learn to love yourself you cannot embrace another person.
8. Learn to forgive, forget and let go.
9. Hold on to that one factor which drives your passion it will take you to your rightful destination.
10. As you move up in life lookout for opportunities to nurture people it will help u grow.

 

 

There are times when I wish there was a rewind button to set things right. How cruel life can be. It gives you everything and takes it all away in one split second. It was a friendship I cherished while it lasted. A friendship which gave me so much. Unfortunately fate didn’t give me the time that I needed to reciprocate.

It was an honest mistake. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part for nothing lasts forever. A simple gesture which went horribly wrong. I wish I could tell the concerned person that my entire being is filled with remorse and regret. 

Every single day is filled with a guilt trip to hell for having wronged a lovely soul. I wish I could just let go but you don’t let go without a proper closure.  I stare into blank space and search for that familiar re-assuring smile.

I never hate people but I hate myself for this one split. Perhaps my friend is out there rooting for me as I yearn for the return of lost soul.

 

 

“Stop the bloody car”. I yelled at my driver. He was slightly taken aback for we were more like friends chatting everyday while returning back from work. We discussed everything under the sun. Our day to day discussions varied from politics to mid-life crisis. But that particular day was different. I had actually switched on the rant mode but he stopped me. I guess he knew me a little too well. And then he revealed an unknown facet of his own life.

His day starts off in the restroom. No don’t get me wrong he doesn’t have a place a to stay so he sleeps in the cab and uses the restroom for dressing up. It’s a tiny space. I asked him why he can’t afford a room. He told me his family was in debt and the amount he quoted stumped me. It was Rs. 20,000. I have known people who go on a spending spree once they lay their hands on the month’s salary and here was someone who lived only on bare necessities to feed his family.

Can you tell me your daily eating routine ? I queried further. I have Ragi Porridge for breakfast for breakfast. How about lunch ? No Sir a single bowl of Porridge is enough to keep me going for an entire day. He surprised me further.

Can I pay off your debts? I can afford it. I was relentless but he refused. No Sir I want to do it on my own but it was very kind of you to ask. “Stop the bloody car”. I yelled. He was slightly taken aback. Let’s eat together. He was about to refuse but this time I was a little too determined and he relented.

We ate together in one of the prominent restaurants. It was one of the most fulfilling dining experiences in my entire life. We drove through the rest of the journey in silence. While getting down he thanked me for the meal. “Don’t fool me by saying thank you. You had told me before that a movie ticket in your native costs only Rs 20. Take me there once and I will feel happy”.  He left me with a promise.

As he was about to re-start the car I teased him yet again ” Please learn to fly through the traffic it is just unbearable”. Lovely pearls of laughter adorned his faced and we parted for the day.

Little did he know that the dinner was my way of saying thank you. Our life is filled with so many blessings yet we never fully attain a feeling of fulfilment. Here was someone who was struggling through his day to day life. Yet he wasn’t flustered. Maybe we can all learn from him. Perhaps it’s time for us to look within and live life the way it ought to be lived. A life filled with love and fulfilment.